Happiness Is A Privilege
by Johanna-002
Summary: Melinda screws things up with Fin... Sorry I know the summary sucks Read and Review ;


**Title: Happiness Is a Privilege**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Law and Order SVU or any of it's character's. They belong to Dick Wolf.**

Melinda Warner was single, and on her own; No one by her side but her eleven year old daughter, Neva. It was December 24, Christmas eve.

Melinda was already sick of the Holiday, and wanted nothing more than just to band Christmas from her life.

Neva was at her dad's house and Melinda doubted that she was even thought about. Neva didn't need her; she had a wonderful step mother who loved her, and a dad who would do anything for her.

Hell, Melinda was so screwed up, that she was surprised Neva hadn't left. That she hadn't begged to live with her dad.

Three years ago when she was happily married, Christmas was a Holiday she enjoyed, but now it was worthless. Her life was completely messed up and it was all her fault, she caused all of this.

Two years ago she and Fin had, had an affair. Just a few nights together, but the after affect did more. Melinda found out she was pregnant. In her eighth week she miscarried. And that's really when things had gone south.

She didn't love her husband anymore and she was truly in love with Fin, but once the doctor told her that there was no baby, she couldn't do it.

She went through with her divorce and ended it with Fin, and not on good terms. She admitted she was wrong for the way she had handled things. She was unfair and blew things way out of proportion.

Fin loved her, and despite everything he still wanted to be with her. But she just couldn't let it be. She kept pushing and pushing until finally, she had pushed him away, for good.

She remembered the day all to well, like a night mare that wouldn't go away.

_April 18, _

_Fin was finishing his paper work when Melinda showed up, Olivia and everyone else still had quite a bit to do so they were all there as well._

_"Hey Mel," Fin said, giving her a small smile._

_Melinda smiled back "Hi,"_

_"What brings you here so late?" He was very hurt that she wouldn't give them a chance, but if he couldn't be her one and only he'd settle at least for a place in her heart as a friend._

_"A case," she said, her feelings were hurt. She did love him but she didn't deserve him. "I just wanted to drop off my report." she laid the file on his desk and turned on her heels walking out of the precinct. Fin debated on weather he should follow her or not, he went with his first option, standing up and slipping on his coat._

_He drove around a while before he had found her at Central park. "Melinda?" He called softly. She was sitting on a park bench._

_"What are you doing here?" she asked paying him no mind._

_"I want to talk to you," he said. His voice was full of nerves._

_"Well I don't want to talk to you." Her voice was raw and harsh. Fin was confused. What in the hell did he do to make her hate him so much? She turned seeing he was still standing there. She rolled her eyes, and in a biter voice she asked, "Don't you have something better to do?"_

_Fin could only look at her. Melinda was one crazy bitch. He loved her, but sometimes she was just a heartless witch. He was now clueless as to why he was here. "Are you okay? I mean I hardly see you anymore, we barley speak. I just want to make sure you're alright."_

_Melinda let out a frustrated sigh. "Fin, I didn't break up with you to spend more time with you, so bug off, and leave me the hell alone." She got up from the bench, walking to where ever her feet took her._

_Fin ran after her, grabbing her by the arm. In no way was he rough but he did hold on tight enough to where she would focus. "What did I do to piss you off?"_

_Melinda couldn't take it. She was nice to him for five minutes and all if a sudden it makes it okay to have a friendly chat? "You wrecked my marriage!" she yelled, everyone in the park turning to look at them._

_"I wrecked your marriage?" he asked utterly stunned._

_"Did I stutter?"_

_He looked at her in disbelief, "I wrecked your marriage! I believe it was you who came on to me. I didn't force you to have an affair that was your choice. It could have stopped at anytime-"_

_She cut him off, shouting, "You knocked me up!"_

_"You act as if I ran out on you, I wanted to help you! I would have paid child support and everything. Melinda I wanted to marry you, and not because of the baby, but because I was in love with you, I am in love with you, I have been for a while and I would have done anything, and I will do anything to make you happy!"_

_"You want to make me happy? Then leave me the hell alone! You were a nothing more than a good time. I got pregnant but things didn't turn out that way after all. I lost the baby meaning I had no need for you." Melinda told him harshly, her eyes blazing with flames._

_Fin shook his head, releasing her arm. "Have a nice life Melinda."_

_Melinda watched as he walked in the opposite direction back to his car. She felt like shit. God had just given her another chance to create a happily ever after with her one true love and she blew it. She was way out of line and the_ _things she said were totally inappropriate. What in the hell was wrong with her?_

That was the last day she ever saw Fin, Olivia told her that he transferred back to narcotics. They still seemed pretty close so when ever she would ask about how he was Olivia always had the answers.

Melinda didn't really hate Fin, if anything she loved him so much it hurt. She had often though about suicide but she couldn't leave Neva like that. She had an affair and she got pregnant. Fin stepped up to the plate ready to take on the responsibility. Things shouldn't have ended the way they had.

Melinda knew he wouldn't marry her just because of the baby, she heard Fin talking to Elliot about popping the question two weeks before Melinda even found out she was pregnant. If Fin was going to marry her, it was because he loved her, no other reason then the big bold one popping out at her. She acted like an ungrateful bitch and this was the price she had to pay.

Because Melinda was scarred of starting over, she messed up her one chance of happiness. She sighed, even today she thought about him.

It was at the Christmas party the night they first hooked up, Melinda remember it perfectly.

She was wearing a red satin dress and she was a little tipsy. She and Fin started dancing and that's where it all started. They began making out and not to long after that they were in a taxi on the way to his place.

Melinda could still remember how he pinned her to the door and the way her removed her clothing with such grace. The way his skin felt on her, they way he felt inside of her, it was like nothing she had ever experienced and it was way better than what she could have imagined.

Melinda felt herself becoming flushed. Quickly, she went to the kitchen to get a drink of water. Looking at the clock it read nine. She wanted to see him, she needed to see him. She quickly put on her shoes. She was only wearing sweats and a t-shirt but she didn't care. She needed to apologize, even if he never forgave her, even if he didn't want to be with her. She needed him to know that she was wrong and that she loved him.

Melinda ran out to her car and drove as fast as she could to the 2-5, narcotics. She was there in record time. Letting out a shaky breath, she opened the door.

She got in the elevator and pushed the fourth button, her breathing became a little short. This would be the first time she has seen him in over eight months. The elevator dinged bringing her out of her dazed thoughts. She walked out of the elevator rubbing her sweaty palms together; she saw a female officer and smiled at her before approaching her.

"Hi, I'm looking for Odafin Tutuola. Is he here?" she asked. The precinct was very busy and very crowded They _must be working on a big case,_ she thought.

"Yes ma'am," the officer smiled. "Just go down this little hall here and it's the third desk on your left."

"Thank you," Melinda told her, returning her smile.

The woman nodded, "No problem." Melinda headed in the direction she was just given and just like the woman said, there he was.

"Wow," Melinda mouthed, "he cut off his ponytail?" she approached his desk. Seeing a shadow cast upon his desk, Fin looked up it.

"Melinda?" he questioned. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see how you were doing, haven't heard from you in a while. I was getting worried."

Fin stood up and rolled his eyes he walked past her. "You didn't break up with me to spend time with me. Remember? I'm pretty sure the same rules follow to hearing from me."

"Okay, I deserve that." Melinda frowned, following him into the break room. "But let me explain."

"Melinda, I'm busy, I don't have time to talk."

"Okay, then listen."

"No! Why should I?" he asked. "You didn't listen to me."

Melinda looked at him, "Please, just five minutes and if you never want to see me again, then I'll leave, okay?"

"Five minutes." Fin said leaning against the counter crossing his arm.

Melinda smiled, "Thank you."

"The clocks ticking," Fin said glancing at his watch.

Melinda rolled her eyes; walking towards him, she took his hand into hers and started to speak. "I was a Jerk. I said things that were totally out of line and uncalled for. You weren't just a good time. You were- you are so much more. I feel in love with you, I wanted to keep the baby and I wanted to marry you, but after I lost the baby everything seemed to fall apart. I mean would we have really went some where if the baby hadn't been conceived or I hadn't of missed carried? Would you have proposed? Would our nights just become a good time and nothing more? I didn't know if what we had was really real or what. I just- I didn't know. And maybe that's my fault; we never talked about, and discussed our options."

Fin sighed looking into her eyes, "Melinda-"

"No please, let me finish." Melinda said holding up her hand, "Fin, you didn't wreck my marriage, I did. You changed me, and you changed my life for the better."

Fin said nothing, he just looked at her. He wasn't sure what he felt, or if he felt anything at all.

"Well, I guess I'll be going now." Melinda sighed releasing his hand. She looked at her watch "What do you know, with two minutes to spare." She gave him a sad smile as she turned on her heals, heading for the door.

She was stopped by a tug at her hand; she turned her head coming face to face with the most gorgeous pair of hazel eyes known to man kind.

They just starred at each other, Fin finally broke the silence. "You hurt me Melinda. I want to start over again with you, I really do but who's not to say you won't do it again?"

Melinda couldn't help the light that went off in her. He wanted to be with her. After everything he _still _wanted to be with her. Fin was such an amazing man, why had she ever been so stupid? "I won't. I promise. Give us another chance, give me another chance." she pleaded in a whisper. "Please, let me show you that I've changed."

**A/N: Please Review!**

**Much Love,  
Johanna**


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